Heads up, I’m about to do some ranting.
So earlier today I was having my first meal of the day and when I eat, I watch some random stuff on YouTube. At some point, I came across this song. It triggered a memory and I smiled for several seconds until I realised…what I was smiling about, never actually happened. It was something I thought about. A wish.
That got me thinking about some serious stuff.
Ever since I was kid, I’ve been able to control what I think and how I feel about things with a disconcerting level of detachment and freakiness. It got me through some pretty hard times. Like for instance, I can go from being completely dejected and melancholic to being the most cheerful person on God’s green Earth within a matter of seconds. All I have to do is dig in my head for a happy memory and I focus on that. People can almost never tell when I’m upset or angry or something is wrong with me. Unless, you know, I want those emotions out there.
Similarly, if I don’t want to go somewhere or do something, I can change how I feel and actually make the most of wherever it is I have to go and whatever it is I have to do. I can end up having so much fun that you’ll think I just had the best day of my life. But ask me if I want to do the same thing again or if I want to go to that place again, it’s not going to happen.
I have a superpower when it comes to adapting to situations. Some people call it hypocrisy. Some people call it being fake. I call it adapting. I call it keeping your stuff to yourself. I don’t fake anything. I actually control what goes on in my head so I’m happy with whatever comes my way.
But sometimes, like it happened today, having a mind like that can dig you in some pretty hairy situations. At some point when playing Pretend or Make-believe, you’re not pretending anymore. The line between pretence and reality becomes blurry. Is that how people become delusional? If you tell yourself something hard enough, do you actually start believing it? If so, I need to cut that out. It’s awesome if I can change my feelings towards someone I can’t stand so you know, it’s not obvious but becoming delusional is a price too high to pay.
Then there is this other issue that when you’re really good at wearing a mask and adapting your feelings, you forget and forgive very easily. So the same people can hurt you over and over again because you don’t do anything about it. On the other hand, if you’re this incredibly loud person who expresses every thought you have in words and you know, very loudly, if someone ever crosses swords with you, they’ll do so just the one time.
So I have some issues to deal with. I will do that over the next few days.
With that said, I’m done with ranting. 😛 😛
Meals of the day
Meal 1: 2 chicken fajitas (at 14 00)
Snack: 1 yoghurt, 10 grapes, 1 plum (at 16 00)
Meal 2: Penne Arrabbiata with spicy grilled chicken (at 19 00)
Day 2: Shoulders, biceps, triceps
20 minutes steady rate cardio at speed 8.5 and 9.5 (for 2×10 minutes) followed by HIIT for the next 10 minutes at speeds 6.0 and 13.5.